Perfect pork loin in 18 minutes

I used to not like pork that wasn’t bacon or ham, because I am a big dummy. Well, that and because conventional wisdom held that pork needed to be cooked to death to prevent you from that very same fate. Which is mouth-saddeningly incorrect.

So now I love things like pork tenderloin because I learned it can be pink in the middle without sending you, parasite-ridden, into the great hereafter. Which probably isn’t so great anyway if you’re parasite-ridden.

Since eating a ketogenic diet means I eat lots of meat, and being kind of lazy means I want dinner to be easy, pork loin on the grill is a go-to low-carb, keto-friendly meal.

But how to cook it to perfection you ask?

This is where some time spent googling my way around the ol’ interwebz led me to the glorious, simple 7-6-5 method of cooking a pork loin. It goes like this:

  • Get your grill (gas in my case) screaming hot, up to around 500 degrees or so.
  • Plop that pork loin on there and close the lid, and leave it cooking under there for seven minutes.
  • Open to flip it once, leaving that second side on for six minutes.
  • When the six minutes are up do not open the lid but simply switch off the burners and let the loin rest on the grill for the remaining five minutes. You just turned your grill into an oven. Congrats.

Boom. That’s it. It’s crunchy on the outside and tender, pink and juicy on the inside. With literally no thinking required beyond remembering where the stopwatch button on my phone is.

I like to give the pork a few more minutes of rest before slicing, if I can resist, which sometimes I can’t. But I’m an adult and that’s my choice, so quit looking at me like that.

Seasoning, of course, is up to you. But since I’m carb-averse, I don’t use any sweet barbecue sauces (though you could, and this would work just as well), and prefer to do a dry rub.

Earlier in the week, I made one using this delicious coffee and garlic rub from Trader Joe’s, but it turned out to be a little too delicious, and that’s why it is not the subject of this particular blog post, as “before” pictures never happened.

The crust on it was killer thanks to the coffee texture, but you will have to take my word for it.

Food blogging, ur doin it wrong.

So for round two — it’s not my fault those pork loins come two to a package, forcing me to cook pork loin twice in three days — I committed myself to a pair of goals: remember to take “before” pictures prior to devouring, and try a seasoning I’ve never had before.

That seasoning is Herbs de Provence, which if I’m not mistaken — and I might be because I don’t feel like messing up my flow to Google it — has lavender in it. So if nothing else, this pork loin is going to be relaxing as shit.

As I did with the coffee/garlic one, I give the loin a good olive-oil rubdown. It doesn’t even thank me, yet I soldier on and cover it in a generous helping of Herbs de Provence, which thankfully doesn’t smell like those scented beanbag mask things they put over your eyes while you’re doing savasana at the end of yoga class. So if there is indeed lavender in there, it’s not overwhelming.

Then, there’s nothing left to do but make it magical with the 7-6-5 grilling method mentioned above. That’s a total of just 18 minutes to juicy, crunchy, porky perfection. That’s also enough time to watch this clip 67 times. Unless you’ve got something better to do. (You don’t.)